Sunday, June 06, 2004

Quilts have magical protective qualities

Quilts have magical protective qualities

I told The Republican about the magical protective qualities of quilts last weekend. I had to tell him something, because as he brought up planning for the future I pulled the quilt on my bed over my head.

We sat there for a few seconds after that, me under the quilt and he, I suppose, trying to figure out how he had ended up with this crazy person beside him. Then he stuck his head under the quilt next to mine, and stared at me.

"Okay", I said, "Okay, now we can talk about planning, as long as we have quilt protection."

I know that's not the best example of rational, adult, behavior but I'm having to act a little silly to cope with the fact that The Republican can't be scared off. I've tried everything, from Family Drama to job panics to boarderline irrational demands. He just won't be deterred from his resolution to stay with me. The normal cycle of a long term relationships has previously followed these stages with me:

1) Fall hopelessly in love

2) Due to returned affections, fall even more hopelessly in love

3) One of us will begin planning the rest of their lives around the other

4) Communications breakdown

5) Someone does the leaving, which is more of a formality after the communications breakdown

To top all of that off, I haven't had a relationship survive the summer season in nearly seven years. So I'm understandably a bit nervous.

And then there's my job.

And my family problems.

And the money thing, which I've never been good at.

And I just signed for a new apartment yesterday.

Have I mentioned that my job is very stressful?

All of this adds up to me wretching in the bathroom repeatedly sometimes, twisted over in agony, guts in knots any boy scout would envy. I eat crackers. I eat pretzles. I eat tums. Herbal tea usually will calm me down. My body hates my job but would hate unemployment more. I have to be able to take care of myself. I've done a year of this. I can do one more. And having made it through two years, then I can make it through four.

Kati last week made it through the Chicago marathon, finished the race far from first but managed to make it all the way through. Although I could never run that far, I feel as if I'm in my own personal marathon right now. Currently I'm at that stage where your body wants to eat its own muscle, where the lights and whirls of protien starvation try to knock you down. This is the stage of the race where your body works against your goals. I will not be knocked down. I will finish this race even though it hurts. I will do this wrapped in quilts at night, just in case.

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