Constantchange

Numbered Events

Controlled chaos by the numbers

1) My 17-year-old sister came to live with me. For pants, she owned two ragged pairs of jeans, the kahkis I bought her last fall, and the suit pants she wore to prom. She was afraid to wear the kahkis because what if she messed them up and then had nothing for job interviews? Since she moved in, we have slowly begun to build her an adult life. She will be 18 in three weeks.

2) Andrew and Tony, two of my best friends, came to visit just over a week ago. I call them best friends not in that immature elementary school way, but in the grown-up sense. We don't hang out that often, but when we do, it's nice. We try to be there for each other when the chips are down. We're all hard workers. Andrew helped me organize my kitchen a bit. He pointed out that when most people get new kitchen things, they get them one at a time and make space for the new stuff as they go along. I went from having practicly nothing in my kitchen to having a $10,000 kitchen from Williams-Sonoma (thanks to the wedding gifts). It's more confusing than you'd think. When he realized I hadn't even had a chance to use the mandoline yet, I thought he might cry. Then I resalized I might cry, because I've always *wanted* this stuff, and damn if I haven't had time to use it.

3) I'm really regretting not just giving the current employers two weeks' notice and leaving. Instead I got caught up in my weird sense of obligation, guilt, and duty. I could have spent this last month at home learning to make waffle fries with my mandoline. Instead, I'm waking up with stomach cramps because I have a huge federal report due before I go. Sure, the money's nice - we need the money - but I could be at home making waffle fries. Or learning to cut fancy salad bits. Instead, my mandoline sits in a cupboard with the directions still attached. Sometimes I realize I have badly misplaced priorities about life. I have 3 weeks left to work at this job. My blood pressure is 5 points higher than it should be, and I have gained 15 pounds in the past year, chiefly because I bribe myself with sweets to go to this job.

4) The husabnd and I spent 24 hours (nearly exactly) at my Grandfather's this weekend. That was just about the right amount of time.

5) I had dinner with my grandmother twice while I was in Savannah to work this week. That was not nearly enough time at all. I miss my Grandmother.

6) I know that when I resort to lists, I'm doing too much. I need to spend one night doing bills, two nights cleaning the house, and one day this weekend trying to do as little as possible so I can relax. Oh, wait - my mother is coming into town on Saturday...

7) I'll have three weekdays off between my new job and my old job.