Monday, May 12, 2003

aiming for centered

Aiming for Centered

Friday I stood in the center of the atom, and Ford took my picture. Neither of us knew for sure which element the atom sculpture outside the museum in Oak Ridge was supposed to represent, we just knew that standing with your hand on the nucleus with your feet between orbits was a cool thing to do, and that we had our traditions to keep. I climb works of art, and tend to jamb myself in awkward public places. Ford takes pictures. It might not be an exaggeration to say our entire friendship might have its basis on this symbiotic relationship.

We had lunch. We hugged. I stood in the center of an atom, tried to climb metal towers, pretended to beat up an inflatable T-Rex. Ford looked tried but happy. I suppose I did too.

I then drove an hour up above Knoxville to Devonstock. I was so tired from the week before that I mistook her grandmother's house for Devon's trailer, and slept for an hour in Devon's Grandmother's driveway before waking up and realizing that the other guest's cars were parked in the small grassy acreage next door. At least I got a nap.

I felt like I accomplished a lot at Devon's. I talked to Erin about the really big project I want to put together with her starting in late June. Erin took a look at my project structure and hopefully she talked a little with Dustin and Kati about what it's like to work with me. I got to talk to Kati and Dust and Erin about the small work we're doing together now. And I got to hang with everyone I wanted too. I even met new and interesting people like Heidi and Adam.

There was a moment where we ended up at this blue hole, one of those mountain swimming spots that's round and perfectly clear way up somewhere that I'd never drive myself -

Which is the point of knowing my kind of friends, having them drive me places I'd never go myself, making me stretch and twist and learn what's uncomfortable, but important and different -

Anyway, there was this moment, where we got to the blue hole, and I had been all worked up because Devon said we could swim. But when we got there, the water was ice cold like it is at 40 or 50 feet when you go diving. And I was like, I don't care, I want to swim so I'll swim, and I know I'll look like an asshole, it'll look like bravado, but goddamnit I need to be weightless, I need to be in the water. And I did, I went in were it was cold cold cold cold cold and I gasped and jumped and everyone stared except for Aisling who laughed. And I talked Erin into the water. And when she went down and shot back up she yelled and beat her chest rapid and high just like a gorilla. I think Dustin got it all in frame, on his camera. And then I got naked in the parking lot because I didn't want to change out of the cold clothes in the outhouse, which was by all reports rather nasty.

So Devonstock was nice. Even the part where I cried on Kati and Dustin, and fought with Dustin, and came no where near to getting my way about anything, which is good for me.

Because sometimes I get my way too much. And the other point of having friends is that they're there to tell you when you're acting like an asshole. Dustin and I have done that for each other a few times lately.

I drove back to Atlanta early Sunday morning, and there was a day with Ron and Dinan looking for a place to live. It was frustrating for all of us. We're spoiled to apartment complexes where you just walk up with money and they have a vacancy right away, and that's not what we're in for right now. We're trying to rent a house, and to make it even more difficult, we're 3 people with radically different styles of communication. So there's tension, and I think it's going to work out but there's no way to say for sure until we start moving our stuff into a place.

I hope, I hope, I hope.

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