Saturday, March 06, 2004

That special feeling

There's a physical feeling I get that's attached to happiness. It's a tingling around the back of my neck, a certain lightness of being I feel when walking in the sunshine. I've had this feeling nearly all week , and I've realized what triggers the tingling, the physical sensation of happiness for me: it's the muscles in my back and shoulders relaxing. When I'm really happy, the muscles in my neck release their strained crunch.

I am happy. Here's a few reasons why:

I have a job that can be horribly stressful, but I have been reassured that the job is mine and some of my heavier gripes were repeated to me when I bumped into a co-worker on the train one morning this week. And I realized that my gripes weren't just mine alone, but part of everyone's there - and oh, this person had been working there for over four years! So if this person had the same gripes and was getting the same sort of stresses - well, I must be OK. So I feel a lot more secure in my job after the past week. A few people have made the effort lately to let me know things will be fine there, too. I needed that reassurance to get comfortable.

I have a guy who loves me. That can be sort of intimidating at times. I have finally realized that he loves me after months of him telling me so. He talks about me to other people. He tells other people that he loves me. I suppose I must always have external proof, eh?

I live in the most beautiful neighborhood in the best city. About a block from me is a big old house with deep beds of daffodils in bloom. On either side of their walk they have daffodils in beds about six feet deep and five feet wide. It's like a little field in bloom. Every day I walk through three blocks of park to get to and from the train. And yesterday afternoon I sat down in the park, which hasn't been mown in a bit, and I was surrounded by dandelions and violets and lots of the other little weedy flowers that I love. The sun was shining and there were children in the park and I know how lucky I am.

My roomies and I are all sympatico. This house functions as a unit. That's a wonderful thing.

I look forward to walks every day through my neighborhood of bungalows to Little 5, where I might eat a sandwich and read in the sunshine. I do miss you though; come visit.

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