Wednesday, May 25, 2005

I have yet to hang pictures

Here in Atlanta, the pollen count is so high that everyone is a little bit sick, it seems. Thick blooms in my neighbor's careful landscaping make me want to strangle him. Why are flowers os important? I have a neat row of marigolds and that's enough for me.

My aunt and uncle both got some sort of nose infection from the over-exuberant flowers this year, and when I went to visit them my cousin Ruel was asleep on the couch despite the 6 o'clock hour. I passed them illegal fireworks I bought from a market on the Tennessee border for our fourth of July party. So much has happened to my family in the past year. I'm almost ready to write about it. Maybe I will this weekend. I am looking forward to the fourth of July this year for the first time in several years.

Audrey and Jamie have had a little girl, Laura Kate. I went to see them and the new cousin a week or so ago. It was nice to meet a new family member, to see her pink and small and wonder what she'll be like. I saw Colin as well, and he surprised me; he's really a little boy now, skinned knees and gruffer voice. All of my cousins age a bit when I'm not looking. Audrey talked to me about pregnancy and childbirth and we both wondered when it would be my turn. I am not pregnant. If I am not pregnant by Christmas, it will be time to make an appointment with someone who can use science to tell me why I can't seem to make this magic happen. Maybe I am too much of a skeptic to create new life.

I have been so buried by work that I forgot this weekend would be Memorial Day weekend. I was so happy to discover I had Monday off I nearly cried. I still haven't hung pictures in the new house. I still haven't bought blinds or curtains. Because I went to Nashville to visit family this weekend, I didn't get a day home to clean the house, and it's a wreck. When I come home from work during the week I either have to keep working at home to keep up with my workload and/or I'm so drained I don't want to do anything but read to try and relax. I am increasingly glad I put in my resignation at work. I only have about 3 more months to go before I'm finished with The Job That Ate My Life. I'm so burned out, I find myself wishing I didn't have to work at all. Economic reality demands that I can't stay home, and right now that just kills me.

Two of my oldest friends are getting maried this summer. Both are people I didn't think would ever get married. I can only hope that their marriages make them as happy as mine has made me. Even though work is a huge drain, I recognise that before I was married, I managed the work load by simply working all the time. I neglected my personal life for my career. And now that I have this rich beautiful life away from my career, the career pales by comparison. I hope that a new job will make me happier, that a new job will kill the greedy want of staying home all day. Truthfully, if one of us stays home, it should proably not be me.

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