Monday, January 10, 2005

Together Again

It took me a week to recover from my vacation. I couldn't find my cell phone, or my date book, or my phone book, or my watch. But then slowly everything came back together again on Sunday. Sunday was the first day since I've been married that I felt like myself again. The husband and I cleaned house and napped, and then later walked down to a pub where we eat sometimes. I played pinball, and then we walked to the movies, my favorite movie theater that only has two screens and a lobby with decrepit 80's arcade games in it. And I was watching my husband's ass as he played Galaga and I realized that I was comfortable again. That everything was Okay, that everything was all right, that my life hasn't really escaped or changed beyond my control.

The vacation was the honeymoon combined with the holidays. Our honeymoon consisted of my mother-in-law harassing us onto a plane bound for a private island in the keys that she paid for our stay upon. We went more for her than for ourselves. It made her happy, and I'm trying very hard to keep her happy. I'm not the daughter-in-law she expected, and I want to please her as much as I can up front before she realizes that I'm not going to ever be anyone but myself. My huge, hulking, callous, common, unrefined self. When she picked us up from the airport, we had a little lunch, and she confessed she wanted to help me "blossom". I replied I felt like I had bloomed all ready, just not into the sort of flower she was used to. And what sort of flower would that be? The quiet, shaded, kind, I replied. I can't remember what we said after that. I should have said clover.

The next week in Nashville was characterized by ice storms both real and metaphorical. While it was truly the best holiday season I've had in a while, I realized that this is the last New Year's Eve I'm likely to spend there. The Husband's company aside, I had a difficult time connecting to many friends. It's mostly my own fault, as I have transgressed that line from single friend to married friend so completely that some people no longer recognize me fully as my own person. I have done nothing to dispel this notion since the husband I and have recently been photographed making out at our own holiday party...

We're a little too into each other right now, and I know it. But I'm still here. I'm over all the marriage parties now. I have more free time. I can update this blog once a week again. And as the days grow colder this winter, I want you to know that I'm here for you. You can still write and call. Just because I'm all into him? It doesn't mean that I've forgotten you.

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