Saturday, January 04, 2003



Dust rode out of the mountains Monday night and took me off the night shift at Target. I had allready pulled 8 hours at the theater that day, and I faked sick at Target to meet him just after midnight.

The next day we laid around and read comic books for a bit, and I skipped my night shift all together in order to ride with him to Nashville for one of the best parties I've ever been too. There is nothing finer sometimes. than laying around and reading comic books with Dust. We can go for quite a bit without talking at all, and then discuss at length how JSA is more tied to the Vertigo universe than other DC titles, which quite naturally leads into a discussion of oh, anything - Irish politics or existentialism, or father's day.

I spent the night of the 30th with Dust, Kati and Callie at Christi's house. I was surrounded by people I love and am entirely comfortable with for hours and hours. We had a quote war over dinner where Keats was answered with Shel Silverstien, Dorothy Parker, REM lyrics, Emily Dickenson- the quotes bounced back and forth across the table like tennis balls, and I thought I miss these people, I love these people. The whole night I kept talking to Callie as if she were a younger aspect of myself, which is right and which is wrong. I don't know if she understands how much we all accept her and love her. All of us in that room that night were so comfortable and happy. It was one of those nights I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. Even if the magazine dies soon, which I'm afraid that here in its fourth year it will - Scribbling Mob will remain through my whole life one of the things I'm most proud of my involvement in. We made a difference. We made some our peers rethink what it means to be a southern woman. And along the way, we learned to love some pretty amazing people.

The next day we rolled out of bed to an IHOP breakfast, and I hugged the girls good bye. When I hug Kati, my body nearly doubles over her, reminding me how f%$@# tall I am!

I saw the Two Towers with Dust on my right and Winn on my left. They both jogged their legs. I watched a pretend world I lived in at age ten imagined by someone else on the big screen, and I had this sense of joy -

Over the last month or so I've been shattered into a lot of jagged pieces of glass, and it's like Dust came down here to Atlanta and gathered up all the bits and took them to Tennessee. And my writer friends shifted though the bits and said, we remember how this all fits together, and told me about it, and I got reassembled. During the movie with Dust and Winn, I could feel the glue setting. I'm not the same person I was a month ago, or two months ago, or when I moved down here from Boston. I'm very different now, even though I'm still made up of all the stuff that was there from the beginning. I know that makes no sense, but that's how it is.

After the movie, Winn and I went to see Tony and Andrew for New Year's at a party thrown by Paula. It was 2003, and for the first time ever I had a date for New Year's Eve that I actually bothered to show up for.

The next day I slept in preparation for my overnight shift at Target, and Winn dropped me off just in time. So the whole holiday was bracketed by double shift of work at the theater and Target. I'm a busy little bee, working for what I want out of life. But play is important. I'm so glad I got those two nights in Nashville, I can't even explain how good they were for me.

And at the same time, I didn't have enough time to hug all the people I wanted too - I missed Cairy, Skeet, Dinan, Ron, Jeff, and a ton of other people I really care about. I only got to hug my sisters and parents for just a second - I ran into the house, surprising them all, hugged them and ran away again, leaving them standing on the porch waving goodbye, startled and puzzled by my unexpected entry into the house.There was no time to explain to them that I work so much I haven't time to explain myself thoroughly at all.

No time to explain that I can't explain. At least my last overnight shift was worked Thursday, so soon I'll go back to my natural early morning self rather than overnight E. Happy 2003 everybody.

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